


Exploring a New Side of Himself

by daisychainsandlaughs



Category: Backstreet Boys, Popslash
Genre: Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-11 09:38:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5622628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisychainsandlaughs/pseuds/daisychainsandlaughs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AJ helps Nick explore a new side of himself when Nick comes out to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trying something a little fun. I have a feeling this one will actually have some sexy times in it!  
> Thank you for reading and comments/critiques are always welcome :)

He was at that age where people asked nonstop if he had a girlfriend. Well, he had been at that age for a few years now, but the question seemed to pop up more and more as they had become more famous. 

Nick’s answer was always that practiced shy grin, head shake, and a sheepish, “No.”

“Haven’t found the one just yet, huh?” The interviewers would always prod.

“Nope not yet. Waiting for that special one.” Nick always hoped that would be the last question on that topic, but sometimes interviewers prodded even further with questions like, “What kind of qualities do you best like in a girl?” which was easy- a sense of humor, confidence, being themselves, were things that could apply to any gender. The harder question to answer was when it came to his preferences for a girl’s looks— if he answered “muscular” and “tall,” eyebrows definitely would be raised and more questions asked. Instead, he tried to think of what the other guys’ girlfriends were like and described them.

Nick was tired of it. Every day he became more and more frustrated with the fact that he couldn’t talk about guys the same way AJ, Kevin, and Brian talked about girls. Howie would chime in occasionally, but he was generally a more private person. Nick was never really sure what Howie wanted, or if he wanted anything. Howie was just Howie.

Nick also wanted to try dating guys, but how could he if he couldn’t even talk about guys with his best friends? It wasn’t fair. 

At the same time, Nick knew he had an image to maintain for the group. Being a part of a boyband predictably came with throngs of screaming girls who apparently all wanted to date you. If the girls knew you weren’t interested in them, not one of them, then that would definitely cause problems.

Nick silently debated about who he could talk to about his problem. Kevin was quickly crossed off the list because Nick thought he would just get lectured on how careful he would have to be and how it could hurt the group. Brian was a maybe—they were best friends, after all – but Nick didn’t know if Brian would be as immediately as accepting as AJ or Howie. Howie could give good advice, but Nick thought AJ might be the better choice of the two. After all, AJ always talked about his wild sexual encounters, and even described to them in too-much detail (at least for Brian and Kevin. Nick had been very turned on at the idea) about a casual hand-job he’d received by another guy at a club one time while they made out in the bathroom. Apparently it had been “fun” and “no big deal.” 

AJ it was, then. Nick padded quietly down to his room and knocked.

AJ answered the door in pajama bottoms and sunglasses, although Nick would have bet AJ put the sunglasses on just to answer the door. 

“Hey, man. What’s up?” He held the door open and peered over the glasses.

“Uh, nothing.” Nick shuffled his feet.

AJ raised his eyebrows. “Nothing?” 

“Well, I mean…can I come in? I need to talk to somebody about something.” Nick looked at him hopefully.

“Shit, dawg, this sounds serious. Yeah, come on in.”

AJ grabbed a Coke from the mini-fridge and tossed it to Nick who just rolled it back and forth in his hands. 

AJ took a long drink from his own can and settled into the chair. “So….what did you want to talk about?”

“Uh, well,” he ran a hand through his hair, “Ok, I don’t want you to hate me and I don’t know how to say this…”

“Dude, just say it. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s fine. Unless you killed someone.” AJ looked concerned, “you didn’t kill anyone, did you?”

“Dude, no. I didn’t kill anyone.” Nick sighed. “I think I’m…kind of…gay.” 

AJ’s eyes widened in surprise but he quickly recovered, trying to appear casual and unaffected. He sensed Nick’s nervousness as he waited for AJ’s response.

“Really? That’s cool.” Nick squinted his eyes, not sure if AJ was being serious or not.

“Are you messing with me?”

“No!” AJ moved from his chair to sit next to Nick. “And just ‘kinda gay’ or like, really gay?” AJ smirked and bumped Nick’s shoulder, trying to lighten the situation. 

Nick laughed a little. “Probably, like, really gay.” 

“So not interested in the ladies at all?”

“Nope.”

“Hell, that’s great! More ladies for me then.” Nick was really smiling now.

“So…How long have you known?”

Nick shrugged. He’d known his whole 18 years of life, probably. “Always, I guess.”

The few sexual encounters Nick had included making out, and receiving a fumbling handjob and an equally awkward blowjob from one of his short-term girlfriends. Nick quickly broke up with her after that, claiming they just didn’t have anything in common and he hadn’t dated a girl since. Or dated anyone, for that matter.

“Well, Nick. I’m happy for you. Are you like, seeing anyone? A hot guy caught your eye? I’d totally understand if you were interested in me, you know. I’m irresistible!” AJ flexed what arm muscles he had. Nick shoved him. 

“Dude, thanks, but you are so not my type. And no, I’m not dating anyone.” 

“Well, now I know why you hate that question from interviewers so much.”

AJ lay next to Nick, staring at the ceiling, thinking. “Shit, can you imagine how all the girls would react if they knew that teen-heartthrob Nick Carter just wanted the dick?”

Nick scrunched his face. “It sounds gross when you say it like that.”

He turned his head to face Nick. “But it’s true, isn’t it?”

Nick looked back at AJ. “Oh it’s totally true.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds before breaking into fits of laughter. When their laughter stopped a few minutes later, Nick turned to face AJ once more. “Thanks, man.”

“For what? I should be thanking you for telling me. I'm glad you can come to me with this stuff. You haven’t told the other guys yet, have you?”

Nick shook his head.

“Well, don’t worry about it. I'll be there for you when the time comes." Nick smiled, grateful. "So, have you ever kissed a guy? Cause you know I’m here if you need to practice… Ouch!” AJ supposed he’d earned that punch in the shoulder.

Nick’s smile faltered, “No, I haven’t kissed a guy, thank you very much. Man, I don’t even know how to go about dating a guy. Or even flirting with a guy!” Nick fell back onto the bed with a big huff.

“Well, I can help you if you want,” Nick was about to protest, “No, I’m serious. I know lots of gay guys. I even have my own gay experience to go off of! You know, that one time I got a—”

Nick cut him off, “Yeah, yeah, we all know about your shining gay moment where you got a handjob in the bathroom. Don’t look so smug.” He couldn’t help but grin back at AJ. He knew he’d made the right choice in talking to the so-called bad boy of the group. 

“But seriously, I can go to clubs and stuff with you. Show you how to dress and talk to guys and all that. It’s different than talking to girls, but it’s not that difficult. I can be your wing-man.”

“Really? You’d go to a gay club with me?” They were leaning on their elbows, facing one another. Nick had been waiting for years to chat like this about guys. 

“I’d do anything to help a brother get laid!” Nick rolled his eyes. “Plus, I might be able to get a little man-action myself,” and he wiggled his hips.

“You’re such a perv, Aje.”

“I know. That’s why you like me.” 

“That’s true.” Nick smiled, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AJ takes Nick to a gay club.

Nick felt great the next morning, but knew his coming out wasn’t done and would probably never be done. The next step was to come out to the rest of the guys. AJ said when he was ready that he would be there with him for every second of it. Nick was grateful to have such a good friend.

First, Nick thought he wanted to have a bit of fun before he told the other guys. He thought there might be a possibility that once they knew, they would be overly protective of him and the groups’ image. They might even prevent him from going out with or talking to guys. He wanted to have some fun before that happened. 

*** 

“You’ve got to wear this tonight,” AJ threw a pair of leather pants on the bed and held up a sparkly black tank top to go with it. “You’ll look so hot the guys won’t know what hit them.”

Nick took one look at the outfit. “You can’t be serious.”

“I’m dead serious, Nick. Your ass will look so good in these. And now that you’ve filled out a bit,” Nick crossed his arms as AJ looked him up and down. AJ smirked and raised an eyebrow.

Nick looked skeptical. “I don’t think I can wear that.”

“Come on! It’s a gay club. All the guys wear stuff like this. At least the hot ones do.”

“And how many gay clubs have you been to?” AJ opened his mouth to answer, but Nick stopped him before he could. “Actually, don’t tell me.” He looked back at the pants, “I don’t think my ass can even fit in those pants.”

“That, my fine friend, is the point. They’re supposed to be tight. Not like those nasty-ass loose cargo pants you’re wearing.” 

“But these are comfortable!”

“You’re not supposed to be comfortable! You’re supposed to be sexy and being sexy means showing off what you’ve got. And you’ve got some nice things to show off!” AJ slapped Nick’s ass as he walked past him. “These pants will help.”

“No.”

“At least humor me and try them on.”

“Ok, fine. I’ll try them on, but I’m not promising I’ll wear them.”

“Deal.” AJ threw the clothes into Nick’s arms and shoved him into the bathroom to change.

A few minutes later Nick slowly opened the door. “What do you think?”

AJ’s jaw dropped. The pants were just tight enough to show off all the important bits and the shirt enhanced his shoulders, making him look large, lean, and toned. “You look so fucking hot. You have to wear this.”

Nick’s face reddened in embarrassment. Sure he could wear whatever silly costume on stage and be fine with it, but in real everyday life he was used to jeans and t-shirts. Leather and sparkles were definitely not a part of his day-to-day wardrobe.

Nick was about to protest when AJ stood and cut him off with a finger to his lips. “Nick. Please. You look so good.” AJ grinned. “So good I could,” AJ grabbed Nick’s head and leaned in, pretending to kiss him. 

Nick yelped, “Ew, AJ! No!” and batted his hands away while laughing. 

AJ stopped to give him pleading puppy-dog eyes. “Please.”

He groaned. “Ok, fine. Just this once though.”

AJ punched the air in success. “Yes! I’ll be with the hottest guy there tonight.” AJ twirled his finger in the air, “Now turn around and let’s check out that ass! Ouch!” AJ supposed he deserved that punch in the shoulder, as well. 

***

Predictably, Kevin stopped them in the hallway. “Where are you guys going tonight?” He turned to look Nick up and down, “And what the hell are you wearing?”

Thankfully, AJ jumped in to answer, “Shut up, Kev,” He counted on his fingers, “First of all, we are going dancing. Second, Nick is an adult and he can wear what he wants.”

“And you seriously want to wear that, do you Nick?” His eyebrows scrunched as he looked over Nick’s outfit again.

“Of course he does, Kev. And he looks great in it, so leave him alone.” 

*  
Nick let AJ style him but drew the line at putting on makeup. “Just a little eyeliner!” AJ insisted, but Nick pushed him away.  
*

“But what is this? Leather and glitter? What did you let AJ do to you?”

“What’s the problem? He’s exploring a different side of himself! C’mon, Nick. Lets get out of here before Daddy Kevin makes us change.” Being used to the nickname, Kevin just rolled his eyes and kept walking.

Nick’s face was red with embarrassment at Kevin’s interrogation and he was thankful when he felt AJ take his arm and pull him towards the elevators. 

Once in the car, Nick felt his heart racing. Nick had never been to a gay club, openly flirted with a guy, or danced with a guy that wasn’t in jest. Sure he had his band mates to whom he gave sloppy kisses on the cheek, danced with, and shared beds, but this was different. He had no idea what to expect and he could feel himself starting to sweat.

Sensing Nick’s nervousness, AJ placed a hand on his shoulder, “Nicky, hey, it’s ok. We’re just going to go and have some fun. We will dance and it will be fine!”

“I know it will be fine, I just,” he unconsciously lifted a hand to run through his hair, but AJ stopped him. It had taken AJ nearly a half hour to style Nick’s hair to achieve the perfect “sex-tousled” look.

Nick continued, “I just worry I’ll screw it all up. What if I say or do the wrong thing? I don’t know what I’m doing!” His head fell dramatically against the headrest.

“Nick, you’ll be fine. Just be yourself. Just do what feels right.” He looked closer at Nick, “You still want to go, right?”

He paused for a moment, and then nodded. “Yeah, I want to do this. I need to do this.” 

“Then lets do this. And I’ll be right next to you the entire time.” 

They were too young to drink in the club, but fortunately AJ had snagged some vodka from Kevin's mini hotel fridge and gave Nick some in the car. AJ knew it wasn’t the most responsible thing to do, but thought this would help them both loosen up a bit. 

When AJ pulled out the bottle, Nick gave one of those genuine smiles that AJ loved. They took a shot.

*** 

Nick’s eyes were wide as they entered the club. Lights flashed and music blared and suddenly Nick didn’t feel so self-conscious in his leather pants. Considering the lack of clothing most of the other men had on, Nick felt considerably modest in comparison. 

Nick was rooted to the spot as he observed the scene before him. Men in nothing but hats and revealing underwear ground on other men wearing equally skimpy clothing, while others undressed one another against the wall as they kissed and touched. 

AJ pushed Nick along further into the madness, noticing a lot of the guys turning to look Nick up and down as they passed. Once they reached the edge of the dance floor, AJ placed a hand on Nick’s shoulder and turned him so they were facing each other. 

“Doing ok?”

Nick sighed and looked around the room. AJ couldn’t help but notice the flashing lights dancing in Nick’s blonde hair and the way they made his blue eyes even brighter.

“I don’t know. This is all so weird.” 

Nick felt like a poser. He had wanted this so much and now that he was finally in a club where it was acceptable for men to dance with men, he felt completely out of place. The clothing, the hairstyle, the overall vanity; it wasn’t him. He held himself awkwardly, not entirely sure what to do next. 

AJ held out his hand, “Dance with me.”

A slow grin spread over Nick’s face as he took AJ’s hand and let himself be led to the dance floor. 

Although AJ could be very guarded (hence the constant wearing of sunglasses), he also had a side to him that was very carefree. He didn’t give a shit what anyone thought and Nick always envied that about him. And now, right there, in the club, as AJ held Nick’s hand, wiggled his hips like an idiot, and moved up and down his body, AJ could not have been less self-conscious about dancing with another man. Nick loved him for that. 

A couple of times AJ had to tell off other guys that came along wanting to dance with Nick. “He’s with me,” AJ looked them in the eye and guided Nick away. AJ told himself that Nick needed to take it slow and not get all involved with a guy at the club just yet. In reality, AJ was having too much fun dancing with Nick and used “protecting” him as an excuse to keep Nick close. 

An hour later, they were dying of thirst and headed to the bar.

As they sipped their water, breathing heavily, a young blonde guy wearing an unbuttoned police shirt with very small shorts came up to Nick. “Hey beautiful,” he whispered in Nick’s ear. Nick’s eyes were wide as saucers as he stiffened. The guy nuzzled his neck, “You’re looking a little stressed. How about I help you relieve some of that tension?” and cupped Nick’s groin.

“Uh, no thanks!”

AJ swore Nick jumped about two feet in the air before he turned and ran out of the club.

“Oh great, look what you did!” AJ weaved through the crowd after Nick, leaving the scantily clad policeman looking confused. 

He found Nick sitting on the curb, picking at pieces of glitter on his shirt. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about.” AJ sat next to Nick.

“I didn’t know what to do. I flirt with girls all the time and it’s easy. This isn’t easy. It just weirded me out.”

“It will get easier.”

“You said do what feels right and this didn’t feel right. I mean, dancing with you was fun, but maybe it’s just this scene. This scene isn’t me. Leather, glitter, all the perfectly sculpted bodies and hair gel…”

“That last part sounds like a certain Howie Dorough I know.”

Their laughter filled the quiet street. “Dude, that’s so mean.”

“I know, I know. But, hey, it’s ok. You tried it out and it wasn’t your thing. It’s fine. Maybe once you get a little more confident in your new…” he struggled to find the right word, “identity, we can go back again.” He put an arm around the younger man, pulling him close, “what do you say we go back to the hotel and finish off that vodka?”

Nick was mostly silent on the ride back to the hotel. AJ didn’t stop him when he ran a hand through his hair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments! I hope you continue to enjoy this story.

As soon as they got back to the hotel, Nick struggled to get the leather pants off and threw them on the floor. “Thank god my legs can breathe again!”

“Hey! Those are expensive pants. And your legs don’t need to breathe.”

“Yeah, well they were definitely cutting off circulation.”

“At least you looked hot in them.”

Nick laughed, suddenly becoming shy, “So, you’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I dunno…You planned out this whole evening and I ruined it.” He played with the hem of his sparkly shirt.

“You didn’t ruin anything!” AJ sat next to Nick. “I had a great time,” his voice lowered, “It was fun dancing with you and seeing you happy.” His sincerity made Nick smile. AJ could be so softhearted when he wasn’t busy being the bad boy. Nick felt lucky that out of the millions of fans that wanted to know him so well, Nick was one of the few people that got to really see the man behind the sunglasses.

“At least until that guy felt you up and you freaked out. Should have seen your face, man! Ouch!” The thoughts from moments ago were quickly swept away as Nick punched AJ. AJ was pretty sure he would have a bruise on his shoulder tomorrow. 

“Hey, that was not cool. I’m used to like, personal boundaries and stuff.” 

AJ cocked an eyebrow at Nick, an incredulous expression on his face. The younger man constantly invaded his band mates’ personal space by jumping on their backs, slumping arms over their shoulders, and worst of all, touching them with his smelly feet, all very much to their annoyance. Especially Howie’s. Poor Howie always got the worst of it. 

Nick expertly rolled his eyes. “Ok, except with you guys. But I know you guys. That’s different.”

“Whatever you say,” Still skeptical, AJ threw himself on the bed and patted the spot next to him. 

Nick climbed in, now hyper aware of their personal boundaries, and left a large amount of space between him and AJ.

“Hey, I didn’t mean that I don’t want you close. I don’t mind your smelly feet as much as Howie does.” Nick squinted and furrowed his brow, but let AJ move closer. “C’mon, lets see if there are any good movies on.” There weren’t and AJ quickly fell asleep against Nick’s shoulder. 

*** 

Nick felt so much closer to AJ since he had told him his secret. The two started hanging out so much that Brian complained to Kevin that he was losing his best friend. Kevin told him not to worry, but Brian couldn’t help but feel discarded when Nick started requesting to room with AJ instead of him.

Nick would stay up late with AJ, chatting and looking through magazines, pointing out male celebrities he thought were attractive. What made it even better was that AJ had no problem joining in and giving his opinions on men he found attractive as well. Nick felt good. Happy. Normal.

*** 

A few shows and cities later, Nick regained his confidence and wanted to go out again. He didn’t want to let one bad experience (which hadn’t actually been that bad) ruin this new exploration of himself. He asked AJ to find a place and if he would go out with him again.

“On one condition: I get to dress myself this time.”

AJ held up his hands, “Alright, but you can’t say you I didn’t make you look good.”

Nick stuck with all black and tousled hair, but this time sans sparkles and leather. As much as he didn’t want to admit he needed AJ’s approval, he really needed it. He held out his arms and asked AJ for his opinion. 

Uncomfortable silence filled the room as AJ looked him over and Nick’s confidence faltered. He lowered his arms, “No good?”

AJ walked up to him and unbuttoned the two top buttons of Nick’s shirt. Nick looked down at AJ’s hand as he slid his palm over Nick’s chest. 

He spoke softly, “It’s perfect.” Nick felt dark brown eyes study his face.

“Oh, um, thanks.” Nick could feel the heat of AJ’s palm over his heart and hoped he couldn’t feel the sudden increase in his pulse. 

Why was this suddenly so awkward? Nick felt himself heat as he stared at AJ, his hand still unmoved.

His hand slowly slid down Nick’s torso and then fell to his side. Nick had a fleeting thought that he’d wished AJ’s hand would have touched him even lower, but quickly threw that from his mind. 

AJ filled the silence. “Well, let’s go.”

***   
In the car Nick didn’t feel as nervous going to a gay club the second time around, but kept replaying the moment in the hotel room over and over in his mind. Did AJ just have a weird, space-out moment or was it something else? Nick wasn’t quite sure, but the questions left him as the reached the club.

This place wasn’t as flashy as the first club, and Nick was grateful. The men here, though some scantily clad but very few, mostly wore at least tight pants and shirts. 

AJ smiled at him, “You ready?”

“Lets do this,” Nick took AJ’s hand and led him into the crowd of dancing men. Nick let himself look around more freely, checking out guys and occasionally making eye contact with them as he danced. 

Noticing Nick’s more relaxed and self-assured state, AJ encouraged him a bit, “Hey, see that guy over there?” AJ tipped his head toward a dark haired guy in a tight red t-shirt. “He’s been staring at you for the past few minutes. You should go talk to him.”

Nick turned to look at the guy in question and looked back at AJ wide-eyed. “I can’t go talk to him!”

“Why not? He’s cute.”

“Because I…” and before Nick could finish, AJ was headed in the guy’s direction. “Oh shit,” Nick whispered and took off after AJ in an attempt to stop him. It was too late. 

When Nick reached the two of them, they were chatting casually. You would have thought they’d been friends forever. AJ placed a flirtatious hand on the man’s arm and Nick felt a stab of jealousy, though for who, he wasn’t sure.

AJ saw Nick approach and quickly introduced them. “Oh Gabe, this is Nick. Nick, Gabe.”

Gabe overtly looked Nick up and down as he shook his hand. “Are you two…?” He motioned between Nick and AJ.

“No, we’re not together. Just friends.”

Gabe looked predatorily at Nick, “I see. That’s good.”

AJ asked if they wanted anything to drink as he headed to the bar. Gabe wasn’t paying him any attention, and Nick silently wanted to kill AJ for leaving him. 

When AJ returned with some waters, Gabe had Nick backed against the wall, propping himself up on an arm placed near Nick’s head. He listened intently as Nick nervously rambled about video games. 

Gabe suddenly raised a finger to Nick’s lips, stopping him mid-sentence. 

AJ stood back with a drink in each hand, waiting to see what happened next. 

He watched as Nick froze and glanced in his direction. AJ winked and nodded. At AJ’s encouragement, Nick’s features relaxed and he looked up at Gabe with a practiced flirtatious expression he used in photo-shoots. Fierce blue eyes and mouth slightly open. 

Surprised by the sudden shift in Nick’s demeanor, Gabe smiled slightly and leaned in slowly. Nick’s eyes closed and Gabe’s hand cupped the back of his neck as their lips touched. Feeling AJ’s gaze on him, Nick opened his eyes and stared directly at AJ as Gabe’s lips softly brushed his own. It wasn’t until Nick saw AJ’s wide, intense eyes that he felt a pang of arousal hit him.   
AJ stood frozen in place. He thought he saw tongue, but couldn’t be sure.

Gabe’s hand began to travel down Nick’s arm, but Nick gently pushed him away, claiming he was thirsty. 

Nick grabbed a drink from AJ’s hand and gulped it down. 

“Wow,” AJ stared at him.

“I’m ready to go.” He felt like his heart was going to pop out of his chest with the realization of what he’d just done. He’d had his first kiss. With a guy.

*** 

The car ride back to the hotel was mostly silent. AJ looked at Nick, and Nick looked out the window with his fingers brushing over his lips. He looked deep in thought.

In the hotel room, AJ immediately began with the questions. “So, how was it?”

Nick looked confused, fingers still sliding over his lips.

“Nick? You ok?”

“Huh? Yeah, just thinking.”

“Thinking about what? You just had your first kiss with a guy and you’re not talking about it. Are you freaked out?”

“No, I’m not freaked out. I’m just…disappointed, I guess.” He frowned. The kiss hadn’t been what he’d expected. Although, Nick wasn’t really sure what he expected. He hadn’t felt anything special. Nick didn’t want to be cliché but he thought he might have felt something. In fact, the only time he felt the butterflies in his stomach was when he looked at AJ. And that was what had him concerned.

“Disappointed? It didn’t seem that bad from where I was standing. Did his breath stink or something?”

“It just wasn’t…anything special,” he blushed at the confession.

“Not special? But he was really cute and seemed to like you.”

Nick shrugged again. “Yeah, he was cute but I don’t know him at all. It just felt kinda like, nothing, you know? I didn’t have that…butterfly feeling,” he felt slightly embarrassed, but it was the truth.

AJ chuckled, “Well, you made it to gay first base, at least.”

Nick knew it was a defining moment in this new exploration of himself, but still felt indifferent towards the situation. He’d never been one for hooking up with strangers. Maybe that made him a cheesy romantic, but he didn’t care. Remembering the strange moment between him and AJ from earlier, Nick suddenly felt sure of what he had to do.

He stepped closer to AJ, thinking of AJ’s warm palm against his chest. “I think I need to try it again.”

“Try what again?”

“Kissing a guy.” His words came out softly. AJ could feel the heat radiating from him.

“So…you want to go back to the club and find someone else?” 

“I have someone else right here.” Nick leaned in slowly towards AJ, just as Gabe had done with him. At the last second, Nick hesitated, his lips hovering over AJ’s. He could feel hot breath against his face. AJ looked up at Nick. 

“Don’t stop,” he whispered barely loud enough for Nick to hear.

Nick closed the distance and their lips touched, tentative and soft at first. After a few moments Nick felt AJ’s hands grab both of his arms as if to hold him in place. Nick took that as a good sign and his kiss became more enthusiastic, which AJ returned with equal enthusiasm. He felt AJ’s mouth open and move in time with his own and felt hot breath against his face. 

AJ felt a hot, wet tongue slide against his lips and inhaled sharply. The sound of his own reaction caused him to pull away from the kiss. Nick’s lips briefly followed his before a look of panic took over. 

“Oh shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Nick tried to back away but AJ’s arms still held him in place. He thought he should go before AJ told him he was disgusting and should leave. Before AJ suddenly came to his senses and realized he’d been hanging out with Nick way too much and encouraging his immoral behavior.

“No, hey, it’s ok,” he whispered. Nick stopped wriggling in AJ’s grasp at the unexpected reaction.

“Are you…? But I kissed you. I shouldn’t have done that.” AJ’s eyes were dark and unreadable.

“Nick, it’s really fine. C’mon, it’s late. We should go to bed,” AJ’s tone was flat. He let go of Nick’s arms and lifted the covers for Nick to get in next to him. Nick’s heart pounded with a mixture of arousal and horror at his arousal at kissing AJ. 

AJ turned on his side to face away from Nick. Nick lay awake, listening to the sounds of AJ’s breathing as he slept, hoping he hadn’t just ruined their friendship.


	4. Chapter 4

Nick woke up to bright sunlight and an empty bed. 

He rolled onto his back and remembered AJ’s reaction from the night before. AJ had been totally fine until Nick kissed him and then his whole demeanor changed. Nick had felt something in him change as well, suddenly noticing AJ’s deep brown eyes, his lean yet toned body, and shining smile that was rare in photo-shoots but common in everyday life. Nick hoped this was something he could salvage. 

He let his stomach growl loudly a few times before deciding to get up and go get breakfast. 

Kevin spotted Nick in the dining area and waved him over to sit with him, Brian, and Howie.

“Rough night?” Kevin teased. Nick didn’t look at him as he grunted a response.

Howie looked Nick over for a moment before asking, “Have you seen AJ this morning?” 

“No. I’m not his babysitter. How would I know where he is?” He immediately regretted coming off so defensive.

Brian snorted, refusing to look at Nick, “Probably because you two are now practically attached at the hip and go around giggling and whispering to each other like little girls.” Everyone at the table stiffened at Brian’s harsh tone. Brian rarely got upset for more than a few minutes, so when he did get upset you knew something was really wrong.

Nick felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He’d been so caught up in discovering this new side of himself that he hadn’t realized how many weeks had passed since he and Brian had hung out. Or how long it had been since he’d hung out with anyone besides AJ, for that matter.

Nick felt so bad that he gave in, “You’re right, Rok. I’m sorry.” Nick’s quiet apology came as even more of a shock than Brian’s anger and they all stared. Normally Nick would push back and defend his position until the other side gave in or Nick got fed up and walked away. 

“Oh, um. It’s ok.” Brian was nearly at a loss for words. No one expected Nick to surrender so quickly. “Want to play some ball later?”

Nick smiled, “Yeah, man. Sounds cool. And you better bring it cause I’m going to kick your ass.” 

Kevin refrained from giving Nick the “watch your language” look, but just barely.

“Oh, it’s on. Your skinny legs can’t keep up!” Brian smiled back.

And just like that, they were back to normal. 

*** 

Happy to have a distraction from his thoughts, Nick played with Brian at a nearby court until they were drenched in sweat. 

As they were packing up their stuff to go back to their rooms, Brian put a hand on Nick’s shoulder, “Hey Nick, you know you can talk to me, right?”

That came out of nowhere. Did Brian somehow know about him and AJ going out to gay clubs? Nick’s first reaction was to deny anything was going on. “What do you mean?” He hoped he sounded convincing.

Two sets of blue eyes met, “You know what I mean. You’ve stopped hanging out with anyone except AJ, you guys go out all the time and don’t invite us or tell us where you’re going. You’re all giggly and happy together. You room together all the time now…” Brian fidgeted, looking uncomfortable, “don’t get mad at this but…is there something going on between you guys?” 

Nick wanted to laugh at Brian’s apparent discomfort, but the close truth of the question made Nick nervous. He wasn’t ready to tell the others yet. 

“No,” he replied almost a little too quickly. “He’s just, AJ’s just helping me work through some things right now. But it’s nothing to worry about.” Except that it could possibly ruin our careers if word got out, Nick thought. 

“Oh, ok.” Nick could tell Brian was upset by the fact that Nick hadn’t come to him. “Well, I hope you figure things out. And, like I said, you can talk to me. About anything.” Brian attempted a smile.

“Yeah, thanks man.” 

*** 

Nick didn’t see AJ until they were getting dressed for the show that night. AJ wouldn’t meet Nick’s eyes and the other guys pretended not to notice the sudden awkwardness between them.

The show was nothing spectacular, but they all remembered their lines and Howie only messed up the dance steps once so it could have been worse. 

Nick cornered AJ after the show. “We need to talk.” AJ just nodded and followed Nick to their hotel room. 

As soon as the door shut, Nick started in, “Look, I’m sorry about last night. I was just, I don’t know… I wasn’t thinking and I shouldn’t have kissed you. I don’t want things to be weird between us.” He searched AJ’s face for a response. 

“I don’t want things to be weird either, but lately I’ve been thinking and, “ AJ took off his sunglasses, determined to keep eye contact with Nick. He inhaled, “I think I like you. I didn’t think I could even really like guys, but I think I like you. And then you kissed me and now I’m really not sure what to think.” He put on his sunglasses before he let his eyes fall to the ground.

Nick searched his brain for something to say, but could only come up with a soft, “Oh.” Idiot, he thought to himself.

“I’ve just had so much fun spending time with you. I feel so close to you and can tell you anything. I know you said I wasn’t your type but…I think you could be mine.”

“Oh,” Wow, Carter. Really smooth. 

“Yeah, I think I just need some time away. I don’t think I can go out with you anymore or room with you for a while, but I’ll get over it.” He tried to sound casual but Nick could hear a small quiver in his voice. AJ started packing up his items from their room.

The thought of not being around AJ felt like a punch to Nick’s gut. He’d also enjoyed spending time with AJ and realized he hadn’t been this happy in a long time. Or probably ever. AJ made him feel happy and normal and encouraged Nick when he needed it most. Nick suddenly realized that could be his type. 

“Please don’t go.” 

AJ stopped folding his clothes. “Nick, I can’t stay if…”

“No,” Nick cut him off. “I think this is something we could try. If you really want to.”

“I do.”

“I mean, we’ve practically been together for a while. Just without doing anything…you know.” Nick blushed slightly.

AJ raised his eyebrows. “Sexual?” He wiggled his hips in the way that made girls scream at their shows.

Nick rolled his eyes at the familiar movement, but couldn’t help smile. “Yeah, that. And anyway, Brian asked me earlier if we were together so there must be something here,” he joked.

“Are you serious? Innocent little angel Bri noticed our possible gay love connection? That’s really saying something.” Nick gave a hearty laugh. Someone who could make him laugh was also his type.

Nick stopped laughing when he noticed AJ watching him and the mood became more serious. He felt a wave of happiness at their admissions. “Can I kiss you again?”

“Please.” 

Nick walked around the bed to AJ. Their lips touched awkwardly at first and he was slightly grateful when AJ took control. He felt a hand around his neck and one around his waist. Nick followed his lead and settled his hands on AJ’s arms.

Their lips moved together soft and slow at first. AJ licked at Nick’s lips, requesting access which Nick gave as he inhaled with surprise. Their tongues tentatively touched and Nick loved the feeling. Loved being close to AJ and feeling warm breath against his face and Nick’s hand gripped AJ’s arms tighter to keep him from moving. AJ chuckled and pulled back to kiss along Nick’s jaw. Just as AJ’s hand started making it’s way down Nick’s backside, there was a knock at the door and they both groaned in disappointment. 

“Nick? AJ? You guys in there?” Of course Kevin would ruin their moment. He always had horrible timing. “We got some pizza and we’re going to Howie’s room.”

Nick and AJ looked at each other. They could go for some pizza.

*** 

The five of them ate pizza and played cards in Howie’s room. Brian lost and blamed it on Howie’s bad card shuffling skills. In reality they all knew that Brian had a tendency to not take their card games very seriously until he was the one losing. And he usually lost. 

AJ and Nick sat next to one another, trying to hide their eagerness to get back to their room. During that second kiss, Nick definitely felt something—well, two things. He felt an instant connection and instant arousal, which he had been trying to hide all night. He was pretty sure AJ felt it too. All Nick wanted to do was get back to their room and relieve himself one way or another. 

Back in the room, before Nick could start anything, AJ fell onto the bed and turned on the tv. Nick’s eyes suddenly felt very heavy as he lay down next to AJ. They fell asleep a few minutes later. 

When AJ woke a few hours later he was surprised to see Nick curled up on the other side of the bed. Normally Nick spread out in his sleep and took up the entire bed, no matter how big the bed was. No one liked sharing a bed with Nick for that reason. AJ smiled. 

Not wanting to wake the younger man, AJ slowly got up to use the bathroom and almost shouted with surprise when Nick’s arm flew back and grabbed his wrist. 

“Stay here,” he whispered and tugged AJ’s arm, prompting him to scoot closer. 

AJ scooted up next to Nick, outlining his body without quite touching him. Nick tugged his wrist to move even closer. The bathroom could wait.

This wasn’t the first time they had shared a bed. It wasn’t even the first time they had slept in the spooning position. But this felt different. It was more intimate. 

AJ took a moment to really look Nick over. They’d been spending so much time together that AJ hadn’t noticed how grown up Nick was. He wasn’t that shy little kid anymore. He had gained confidence in himself and his body had filled out the tall lankiness into a more solid frame. 

AJ nuzzled Nick’s hair as he wrapped an arm around the younger man. Nick still gripped AJ’s wrist but let go to trace between each of AJ’s fingers.

Nick could feel AJ’s breath over his ear as he felt the hand leave his to slowly move over his chest and stomach. Nick held his own breath for a moment at the tickling sensation but gasped when AJ’s hand grazed his nipple. 

“AJ…” Nick’s voice caught in his throat. 

AJ’s hand stilled. “Should I stop?” 

“No.” Nick’s head swam. Every touch of AJ’s hand sent waves of pleasure to Nick’s groin. 

AJ’s hand moved lower and grazed over the hardness in Nick’s boxers. Both men sighed.

Nick felt AJ trace the waistband his boxers and he felt AJ’s hot breath against his neck. Nick arched slightly to meet AJ’s hand, trying to signal his need. 

Nick briefly thought he should be freaked out at a guy touching his cock for the first time, but that quickly left his mind as AJ’s fingertips dipped beneath his waistband. 

Nick groaned in frustration when AJ’s hand stopped moving.

“Please. Don’t stop.”

At Nick’s voiced consent AJ’s hand crept even lower and lightly grasped Nick’s aching cock. Nick moaned at the touch and thrust his hips into AJ’s hand, desperate for more contact. 

AJ worked slowly at first, stroking up and down and rubbing his hand over the tip to spread the generous amount of precum that gathered there.

“Aje,” Nick breathed and grabbed on to AJ’s hand to guide for a few strokes. 

“I got ya,” he whispered, leaving a trail of kisses along Nick’s neck and jaw.

Nick’s hips thrust involuntarily at random intervals and AJ wrapped his other arm underneath Nick to hold him closer.

Both men’s breathing became ragged and Nick felt AJ’s equally hard cock pressing against his back. The thought of AJ being as turned on as he was nearly sent him over the edge. He quickly turned his head to in what was meant to be a kiss but instead his lips hovered next to AJ’s as AJ’s wonderfully talented hand twisted in a way that made Nick see stars. He tensed momentarily and then thrust his hips to meet AJ’s hand over and over. AJ held Nick tightly and kissed his damp face and hair as he helped Nick ride out his orgasm as long as he could.

Nick’s body finally relaxed and he slumped back against AJ, breathing hard. He opened his eyes and smiled at AJ. 

“Damn.” He wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Yeah,” AJ agreed and slowly pulled his hand out of Nick’s boxers. He adjusted himself through his own boxers, still clearly hard. 

Nick glanced from AJ’s tented boxers to his flushed face and before he let himself think too much about the situation, dove in for a messy kiss. AJ moaned in appreciation.

Nick let his hand slide down AJ’s stomach and boxers and returned the favor. He thrust his tongue in and out in time with jacking AJ off, not letting himself overthink what he was doing. 

His mind and body were still reeling with pleasure from his own orgasm and he let go of any inhibitions he may have had. He did what felt good.

Nick experimentally thumbed the tip of AJ’s cock and swallowed the gasp that came from the older man. AJ’s hands scrambled to grab a hold of the sheets as Nick quickened his pace. Before he knew it AJ broke their kiss, tilted his head back and arched into Nick’s hand, coming with a loud moan.

They both lay on their backs until the beating of their hearts slowed and their breathing became normal again. Nick worried about how AJ would react to what they had just done but the concern vanished when AJ threw his arm over Nick’s chest and snuggled close.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“I should be thanking you!” Nick laughed. Really, it had been AJ who initiated and gave Nick the courage to reciprocate. AJ was the one who encouraged Nick over the past weeks; he listened without judgment, made Nick laugh and most importantly made Nick feel happy. And he had just given him an incredible handjob. AJ could definitely be his type. 

Silence filled the air as both men began to doze off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there are some issues with this, so I'm still working on my writing skills... Comments and critiques are always welcome. Thank you for reading!


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